What is it about the passing of time that sets of fear in my heart? Yet another chunk of my life is passing me by and what am I doing with it? According to my ever growing ‘to do’ list – not enough. To be honest I’m being hard on myself. I have extra limitations holding me back – ie that annoying inconvenience called MS, but aside from that I’m fraught with things like procrastination, a heavy dose of ‘I’ll get to that later’ as exhibited in my pickled onion situation. I also have to deal with a lot of over ambition and over estimation concerning the length of time and effort something I thought up in my mind actually requires. Currently the most realistic expectation for a task that I think will take an arvo is usually about 3 days! Nothing like a ‘must do’ project to hold you back from the mundane, the routine and a million other cool ‘must do’ projects waiting in the wings.
After the madness of #MakeMayCount, back in late autumn, I have let the winter drift by. Ok it has been cold and wet and nasty. Actually this is more of an excuse rather than a reality. This winter as aside from a few cold snaps it has been quite mild. I think I have lulled myself into a false sense of ‘well its winter, we don’t do much in winter’ buoyed up with a ‘well I worked really hard in May I deserve a break’. But May was ages ago and with the mild weather I should have been making hay while the sun shines, so to speak. I mean if sunflowers can be bothered to grow then I should have been tending to their garden.
This last week I have been a bit under the weather and so I sat there peeling onions in a comfy chair and I watched a lot of online garden videos. It has left me feeling two emotions – firstly, why don’t I have a perfect life like that. My kitchen is a bit of a mess and the fridge needs a jolly good sort out. It is much easier to grab a cuppa tea on the run than sit poetically staring out at the view. Although I did enjoy my lunch alfresco overlooking the ocean the other day and it was lovely. It really elevated the quality of my quickly thrown together meal. I really need to take more effort over lunch, and probably breakfast and if I’m being honest a good from scratch homecooked meal would feel a little better than something hastily considered at the end of the day. Maybe if I got myself organised then I’d have more time to live my life by those on the videos.
The second thought was, ‘but I make videos like this’ and put my life on the net too and so I should know better than most that it is easy to edit away the less than ideal with camera angles and mess shoved to one side. They might have an immaculate kitchen to produce an immaculate lunch, so they can eat it wistfully at a perfectly curated table setting. You can’t tell me there is no chaos in their world. It is great to have realistic goals for life so I don’t end up beating myself up about my ‘mediocre by comparison’ efforts. Although just for fun I’m tempted to do such a video with a lunch made with fresh garden produce eaten overlooking a grand vista – at the very least my kitchen would get a tidy up.
But I digress. August has begun and I’m not ready for it. Spring starts at the end of this month and I’m not ready for that either. So I’m going to shake off this winter slovenliness and try and make this new month count for something – although not as intense as May counted. August has its own taskmaster in the form of the encroaching new season. You can’t hurry nature, but apparently you can’t slow her down either.
Come again soon – welcome to a new month full of frenzied, panicked activity.
Sarah the Gardener : o)